Child Development Authors & Experts Interview: Love & Logic Facilitator, Jessica Johnson

Q&A WITH JESSICA JOHNSON

Love & Logic Independent Facilitator

Question: What made you decide to be a Love & Logic Instructor?

Answer: My husband and I took one of their classes, and right from the start we were taught techniques that we could implement at home with our children. We did, and they worked! I am a preschool teacher and I kept telling my director all about it. She suggested that since it worked so well with my family, I should consider becoming a facilitator.

Question: For those who aren’t familiar with Love & Logic, what’s the basic premise?

Answer: Love and Logic teaches parents to set firm but loving limits, to allow children to make mistakes in a loving environment, and to let them learn from their mistakes - not from parents lecturing, threatening, or warning them.

Question: What’s your favorite example of how Love & Logic has worked in your home or classroom?

Answer: One of my favorite books by the Love and Logic Institute is on chores and allowance, called Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats. By giving my children an allowance, I have eliminated the begging and tantrums that used to come whenever we went shopping. Now that they have their own money and can make their own purchasing decisions, running errands with them is pleasant again! And I am no longer deciding what is or isn’t important to them. For example, my son decided he wanted a $60 Halloween costume. I told him I would be happy to pay for half of it if he would pay for the other half. He had been saving his money for a video game and he told me he'd need to think about it. The next day, he let me know that the video game was more important to him and that he would just wear a costume he already had. I love that he had the ability to figure that out on his own, without my input.

Question: What’s your favorite Love & Logic tip?

Answer: My favorite tip or technique is called the Enforceable Statement. This technique teaches you how to word limits in a positive “I will” message, rather than a negative “you will” message. For example, saying, “I am happy to take children to the park who have finished putting away their toys,” instead of “I told you to put your toys away five minutes ago!”

Question: What kinds of skills can parents expect to walk away with after taking your class?

Answer: Parents will walk away with skills that will allow them to handle any situation their child can throw at them. My favorite thing about Love and Logic is that it truly gives you the language to effectively communicate with your children – to know what to say in any situation.

Question: For those parents in Austin, please tell us when your next set of classes will be. For those outside of Austin, how can they find a local class of their own?

Answer: I will be facilitating the Love and Logic Early Childhood Made Fun curriculum at Westminster Presbyterian Day School starting Sunday, October 26th and running through November 23rd. We will meet every Sunday from 4 – 6 pm for five weeks. Anyone interested can email me at jpriour@hotmail.com for more information on this or other classes. For those outside of Austin, they can call the Love and Logic Institute at 1-800-338-4065 to find a facilitator in their area. 

ABOUT JESSICA

Jessica Johnson graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with high honors and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa. She has been teaching toddlers at Westminster Presbyterian Day School for 10 years. She has been a facilitator for Love and Logic for two years. She lives in Austin with her husband Chris Johnson, and their son Brooks (age 9) and daughter Adelaide (age 6).

Website: loveandlogic.com    Email: jpriour@hotmail.com

Lessons Learned: Going with Your Gut

There is a lot of research that says it's not always right to go with your gut instincts. For instance, my 2-year-old is suddenly into painting and coloring. He runs into my office and proudly says, "Look Mommy!" and holds up a picture of 8 squiggly circles. My gut instinct is to say, "Wow Luke, that's awesome!" because I see the smile light up his entire face with praise. Instead, I say, "Look at all those colors you used!" or "Did you do that all by yourself? It looks like you worked really hard on it!" Why? Because I've read all the research about the pitfalls of "good job praise," and try to avoid it whenever I can. I've been practicing the "specific praise" for years. It still feels unnatural. And you can tell they just want you to say, "It's Beautiful!"

So as parents, our gut instincts are not always right, even when they feel right.

But when it was time to decide where my daughter should go to Kindergarten, I had no choice but to use my gut instincts (which apparently isn't some mysterious inner source, but a form of unconscious reasoning—one that's rooted in the way our brains collect and store information).

When our oldest daughter, Sydney, was three, she started preschool at a private Montessori in our neighborhood. The school is for 3, 4 and 5-year-olds, and ideally, children stay for three years, including Kindergarten. That last year is very important for leadership development, because the five-year-olds are setting the example for the classroom and helping teachers with the younger children.

Montessori is all about independent work and learning through repetition. The teacher presents a lesson once, and the child returns to that work over and over until she's mastered it. That's all great, until you have a child who doesn't want to return to something she's already done. She only wants more and more lessons on the new things. Sydney would drive her teacher crazy over lesson requests, even when she'd already had a new lesson, or even two, that day (keep in mind there is lead teacher giving lessons to 30 children in a class!).

Sydney learned so much in her two years at Montessori, probably even more than we can see at this point, but my fear was that she'd spend another year avoiding work she was already familiar with and never learn how to master anything. I thought the competition and camaraderie of our public elementary school, which everyone in the neighborhood rants and raves over, would suit her personality much better. She'd make friends who were reading at a higher level and want to read more. She'd run harder because there were other kids who were faster. I'm sure there's research that says fostering competition is bad too, but I'll worry about that another day.

When I asked Sydney where she wanted to go for Kindergarten, and briefly explained her two choices, she chose the new school. Which I thought was interesting and a little surprising, since she didn't know much about it and would be leaving the friends she'd made over the last two years. But that was the final kicker for me. She was ready for a new adventure, and this is our I'd rather stay home than go to the park or the pool kid. The child who rarely wants to do anything new. So we decided she'd head to the public school for Kindergarten.

How'd that decision turn out? Nearly every day this past year, Sydney replied to my inquiry about her day with, "It was the best day ever." She went to the doctor with an ear infection and the first question she asked him was if she could still go to school the next day. She had never loved school this much before. The environment ended up being perfect for her. And I hope she will stay this enamored with school in the years to come.

Now Sabrina, our three-year-old, just finished her first year at Montessori. Unlike Sydney, she loves perfecting a lesson and teaching others. It's very likely she'll stay for all three years and learn even more from a classroom and leadership perspective than she could from public Kindergarten.

At the end of next school year, I'll have to go with my gut again, and hope that I've made the right choice...