Parenting Authors & Experts Interview: 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know

Q&A WITH KARI KAMPAKIS

Author: 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know

Question: How did you first get into writing?

Answer: I’ve always enjoyed writing, but 8 years ago, while pregnant with my third child, I quit talking about writing a book and actually started to work on one. I began by writing essays on motherhood, then I spent five years writing three novels, all unpublished. It’s easy to consider all that unpublished work a waste a time, but I don’t see it that way. I needed the practice to hone my writing skills and find a voice that suits me. 

Question: How did your original blog post, 10 Truths Young Girls Should Know, turn into a book?

Answer: I published that post in July 2013 on my blog, and immediately it started getting shared all over Facebook and Pinterest. I knew from the emails I got (from moms, dads, and youth pastors) that the message struck a chord. It was two months after all the excitement calmed down, when everyone had moved on to other stories, that I heard from an editor at Thomas Nelson who expressed interest in expanding the post into a book. They wanted the book to release before Christmas, so the whole process - from me writing the book to them launching it - happened quickly and in a year’s time.

Question: If readers were to take away one key lesson from your book, what do you hope it would be?

Answer: The main thing I want my young readers to know is that God loves them, God sees them, and God has a plan for their life. I want them to know there’s more to life than junior high and high school, and by making good choices now, they set themselves up to thrive long-term. 

Question: For the moms out there like me, with young girls, what is the most surprising thing we should prepare for in the tween/teenage years?

Answer: The most surprising thing I’ve learned is how early the negative influences start.  After talking to parents, school counselors, psychologists, and others who work with adolescents, my eyes have been opened to the hard realities of teen culture today. For our kids to make good choices, we need to prepare them for difficult situations and have some uncomfortable conversations so they don’t enter this world blindly and follow the crowd simply because they’ve never been given alternative options to consider.

Question: Your #1 Lesson is Everything You Need to Find Peace and Happiness is Inside You. How did you teach your girls that truth?

Answer: I try to teach my daughters to trust their instincts. When something feels wrong, there’s a reason. When someone seems untrustworthy, there’s a reason. I’m a big believer in tuning into your conscience and what that inner voice says, because that’s God talking. Even at a young age, kids can understand that when they’re kind to others, it makes them feel good, and when they’re not kind, it creates unrest. The sooner they get a handle on their feelings, and develop some sort of emotional intelligence, the better equipped they’ll be to recognize cues that can help draw them closer to God.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kari Kampakis started her writing career with her first PR job out of college. She began writing fiction novels while pregnant, and played the chicken-and-the egg routine to getting an agent or publisher. Then the door opened when two community newspapers began carrying her column.

In 2013, she re-launched her website and began blogging. Four months later, her first blog post went viral. Titled 10 Truths Young Girls Should Know,  it caught the attention of Thomas Nelson, a major Christian publisher, who expressed interest in creating a book. On November 4, 2014, Thomas Nelson released 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, written for teen and tween girls.

Ella, Sophie, Marie Claire, and Camille are her pride and joy.

Book: 10 ULTIMATE TRUTHS GIRLS SHOULD KNOW

Facebook: Kari Kampakis, Writer

Twitter: @karikampakis

Instagram: karikampakis

Pinterest: Kari Kampakis

BITLY LINKS to books

·      Amazon: http://amzn.to/1AOH49X

·      Barnes and Noble: http://bit.ly/1sltw0I

·      BooksAMillion:  http://bit.ly/1kz1izP

·      Christianbook.com: http://bit.ly/1qLPyrv

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Cindy Bailey, The Fertile Kitchen® Cookbook

Q&A WITH CINDY BAILEY

Co-Author of The Fertile Kitchen Cookbook®

Question: How did the idea for The Fertile Kitchen Cookbook® come about?

Answer: This book came out of our own experience. After trying to conceive for over a year, we visited a fertility specialist who gave us a 2% chance of conceiving on our own. Of course, I was devastated, but at the same time I refused to accept his grim prognosis. It was simply unacceptable to me that I don’t get to have a child, so I did a lot of research and put myself on a fertility friendly diet, among other healing regimens, such as yoga and meditation. Four months later, after I turned 40 years old, my husband and I conceived – naturally. During that time, what made the restrictive diet so much easier to follow was my husband Pierre’s cooking. He created a wide variety of dishes that were simple to make, yet full of flavor (you can’t tell these dishes contain no wheat, sugar or dairy!). Having those recipes kept us from getting bored and giving up. It made the diet easier to follow and helped us stick with it. Plus, it was a project we could do together, and we both felt empowered by the process. Naturally, we wanted to share what we learned and all the recipes with others in hopes that it might help them in the way it helped us.

Question: What is the goal or message of your cookbook?

Answer: Our goal is to spread the message that, yes, you absolutely can make a difference in your own fertility through diet and nutrition. And through our book, we aim to empower women and couples to do so.

Also, because we know first-hand how overwhelming and stressful going through fertility issues can be, we designed our book to be easy to use in every way. Dietary guidelines are painless to follow and recipes are simple, yet flavorful, to make.

Question: Are there specific foods women should avoid while trying to conceive?

Answer: Yes – any foods or drinks that overly tax or stress our bodies. These include overly processed foods, trans fat, processed sugar and artificial sweeteners. Dairy and wheat products should also be avoided or, even better, eliminated, because they are hard to digest. Also, many women have a sensitivity, intolerance or outright allergy to dairy or wheat, creating a lot of inflammation in the body and making them especially hard on digestion (as well as the body). We want to create less work for digestion so our body’s energy can be applied elsewhere, such as to our reproductive system, for healing and growth.

You also want to avoid alcohol, caffeine, sodas, coffee, iced or cold beverages (stick with foods closer to your body temperature), and fruit juices (too much concentrated sugar, although whole fruits are great).

Question: What types of recipes do you feature in your book?

Answer: We feature a variety of ethnically diverse recipes that are all simple to make. Women and couples struggling with fertility issues are often already overwhelmed. We didn’t want them to feel changing their diet would be another burden. We wanted them to enjoy flavorful dishes so they wouldn’t notice too much that they were on a diet. We feature recipes for vegetables, beans, rice and grains, meat, seafood, soups and salads, sides and sauces and breakfast dishes. We only feature a couple of desserts, as processed sugar is not allowed. Favorite dishes include: Vietnamese Chicken Noodle Soup, Chicken with Portobello Mushrooms, Lamb Stew, Spicy Garbanzo Beans, Crepes Salée, Chile Con Carne (healthy version) and more. All are easy to make.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

As a former athlete, Cindy Bailey has a passion for good health and nutrition, and a commitment to helping others find natural, holistic ways of healing. In addition to giving workshops and talks on Eating and Fertility, she is a professional member of RESOLVE, the national infertility organization, and is on the Advisory Board for the International Academy of Baby Planner Professionals (IABPP). Her fertility story has aired nationally on NBC and CBS.

www.fertilekitchen.com  -  @fertilektichen  -  facebook.com/fertilekitchen

Child Development Authors & Experts Interview: Love & Logic Facilitator, Jessica Johnson

Q&A WITH JESSICA JOHNSON

Love & Logic Independent Facilitator

Question: What made you decide to be a Love & Logic Instructor?

Answer: My husband and I took one of their classes, and right from the start we were taught techniques that we could implement at home with our children. We did, and they worked! I am a preschool teacher and I kept telling my director all about it. She suggested that since it worked so well with my family, I should consider becoming a facilitator.

Question: For those who aren’t familiar with Love & Logic, what’s the basic premise?

Answer: Love and Logic teaches parents to set firm but loving limits, to allow children to make mistakes in a loving environment, and to let them learn from their mistakes - not from parents lecturing, threatening, or warning them.

Question: What’s your favorite example of how Love & Logic has worked in your home or classroom?

Answer: One of my favorite books by the Love and Logic Institute is on chores and allowance, called Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats. By giving my children an allowance, I have eliminated the begging and tantrums that used to come whenever we went shopping. Now that they have their own money and can make their own purchasing decisions, running errands with them is pleasant again! And I am no longer deciding what is or isn’t important to them. For example, my son decided he wanted a $60 Halloween costume. I told him I would be happy to pay for half of it if he would pay for the other half. He had been saving his money for a video game and he told me he'd need to think about it. The next day, he let me know that the video game was more important to him and that he would just wear a costume he already had. I love that he had the ability to figure that out on his own, without my input.

Question: What’s your favorite Love & Logic tip?

Answer: My favorite tip or technique is called the Enforceable Statement. This technique teaches you how to word limits in a positive “I will” message, rather than a negative “you will” message. For example, saying, “I am happy to take children to the park who have finished putting away their toys,” instead of “I told you to put your toys away five minutes ago!”

Question: What kinds of skills can parents expect to walk away with after taking your class?

Answer: Parents will walk away with skills that will allow them to handle any situation their child can throw at them. My favorite thing about Love and Logic is that it truly gives you the language to effectively communicate with your children – to know what to say in any situation.

Question: For those parents in Austin, please tell us when your next set of classes will be. For those outside of Austin, how can they find a local class of their own?

Answer: I will be facilitating the Love and Logic Early Childhood Made Fun curriculum at Westminster Presbyterian Day School starting Sunday, October 26th and running through November 23rd. We will meet every Sunday from 4 – 6 pm for five weeks. Anyone interested can email me at jpriour@hotmail.com for more information on this or other classes. For those outside of Austin, they can call the Love and Logic Institute at 1-800-338-4065 to find a facilitator in their area. 

ABOUT JESSICA

Jessica Johnson graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with high honors and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa. She has been teaching toddlers at Westminster Presbyterian Day School for 10 years. She has been a facilitator for Love and Logic for two years. She lives in Austin with her husband Chris Johnson, and their son Brooks (age 9) and daughter Adelaide (age 6).

Website: loveandlogic.com    Email: jpriour@hotmail.com

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Lisa Newton, Amateur Nester Blooger

Q&A WITH LISA NEWTON

                                                 Blogger at AmateurNester.com

Question: How did the creation of your website, AmateurNester.com, come about?

Answer: I originally intended it to be a blog about my attempts at DIY, crafting, and decorating my home. I quickly realized I wasn’t very good at any of that, and decided to blog about my infertility treatments instead. Luckily for me, the name of the blog lent itself to both DIY and infertility!

Question: What has been the toughest part of your journey?

Answer: The toughest part is how much infertility affects every other area of my life.  Obviously, it takes a huge financial and emotional toll, but it’s also affected other, more surprising areas. For example, I’ve gained some weight since our treatments started, but I’ve resisted buying new clothes because each month I hope I’ll get pregnant. I don’t want to waste good money on clothes that I’ll outgrow during a pregnancy. So, I have very few clothes that fit right now and it’s taken a surprising toll on my self-image. 

Question: You interview other couples who have gone through the infertility rollercoaster. What story has inspired you the most?

Answer: That is almost impossible to answer! Each interview inspires me in different ways depending on their circumstances and stories. However, if I had to choose one, I’d say it’s Candace and Chris from Our Misconception. They have been through hell and back, and I was awe-struck by their willingness to have their final IVF cycle documented for MTV. Watching their episode made me realize just how powerful openness and transparency can be, and that’s when I decided to reveal my name on my blog and eventually “come out” on my personal Facebook. 

Question: How has your faith helped you through the trials and tribulations of infertility?

Answer: My faith in God is what keeps me from losing all hope. I don’t believe that God causes bad things to happen to us, but I believe He uses them for good in our lives.  Don’t get me wrong. I question God on a daily basis about why He allows infertility for me and all the other people who struggle with it. I don’t understand. But that’s where faith comes in. Even though I don’t understand, I choose to believe that there’s purpose in what I’m going through and He will ultimately use it for good.

Question: If you had a younger sister go through infertility, what advice would you give her?

Answer: I’d tell her to seek out community. It can be in the form of an in-person support group, an online group, or blogging. I’d encourage her to connect with other people who have been through infertility in whatever way she can. I’ve received so much support and made some amazing online friends through blogging, and I’d encourage her to do something similar. It’s amazing how much it helps to know that other people understand what you’re going through. 

ABOUT THE EXPERT

Lisa blogs about her infertility journey and interviews other infertility survivors at AmateurNester.com.  When she’s not blogging, she’s eating Ruffles Reduced Fat Potato Chips, watching The Big Bang Theory reruns, or reading (often all at the same time).  She lives with her husband, Tom, and their orange cat, Hemingway, on the California central coast.

Website: www.amateurnester.com 

Twitter: https://twitter.com/amateurnester 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amateurnester

Sleep Authors & Experts Interview: Dana Obleman

Q&A WITH DANA OBLEMAN

Author of The Sleep Sense Program™

Question: How did you become a Parenting/ Sleep Consultant?

Answer: It has always been my dream to work with children. To make that dream a reality, I went to college to receive a BA in psychology and an education degree in the late 1990s and then spent a few wonderful years working as a first grade teacher.

Then I got pregnant with my first child, and my life took a detour I didn’t expect! My husband and I suffered from intense sleep deprivation during the first few months of my son’s life as we struggled to deal with his sleep issues and teach him how to get a good night’s sleep. None of the parenting books available seemed to fit our family’s needs… Some were way too harsh and didn’t take the children’s needs and comfort into consideration, while others basically said, “Suck it up, mom and dad, your child’s needs are everything and it doesn’t matter if you don’t get a good night’s sleep!”

Frustrated with the lack of practical advice, I did my own research and developed my own child sleep training program which became the basis of my first book, The Sleep Sense™ Program. 

Question: What is the overall sleep philosophy with the Sleep Sense Program?

Answer: I created The Sleep Sense™ Program because I feel strongly that healthy sleep habits make for healthy children. A well-rested child is curious, energetic, happy, playful, and eager to learn. I am more interested in improving a child’s sleep than preaching a particular sleep philosophy.

While most books and programs dealing with child sleep problems take philosophical stands (based largely around the issue of “crying it out”), I believe that your child’s sleep is more important than my personal views on the subject. That’s why I’ve placed so much emphasis on accommodating different parenting styles within The Sleep Sense™ Program.

My approach to improving your child’s sleep is pretty simple. I’ll give you honest information about WHY sleep is so important for your child’s well-being. I’ll lay out an easy-to-follow, step-by-step plan that lets you make some choices about what is the right approach for your child. And I’ll show you how to measure success.

Question: Are there specific sleep props you recommend parents avoid (or give up) to improve nighttime sleep? 

Answer: A sleep prop is basically anything your child thinks she needs in order for sleep to come. So for example, if a baby is rocked to sleep, then she begins to associate sleep with rocking and will have a very difficult time getting to sleep without it because she doesn’t know how. Sleep props prevent a baby from developing internal strategies for getting themselves to sleep, therefore they tend to wake often looking for assistance. When you begin to teach a baby to sleep well, then all the props you’ve currently used need to go so your baby can begin to learn some strategies that are all her own, and become a great sleeper.

Question: Do you have any advice for those parents like us, with toddlers who were good sleepers as babies, but then suddenly started waking up crying out in the night, climbing into our bed, etc.?

Answer:  There is always a point in a toddler’s life where they begin to push the boundaries around bedtime. I’ve never met a toddler yet, who didn’t develop some sleep challenges at some point. The problem is that it usually throws the parent off, as they are wondering why their child who has slept very well, is suddenly yelling the house down at bedtime. The parent then rushes in wondering what could be wrong and often starts to negotiate. When the toddler realizes that all this fuss gets a reaction, then you can be sure he tires it again and again, and quickly a parent can lose all control over bedtime.

My best advice is that parents understand that boundary pushing is a natural part of a toddler’s development, and that if they remain consistent and firm, the testing blows over fairly quickly. It is also very important to stick to a “one warning, then consequence” rule, so that the child doesn’t endlessly push for negative attention. 

Question: For parents who want one-on-one help, what types of services do you offer?

Answer: There is always the “Do it yourself” guide with video coaching. However, some people like to have a more personal touch so I’ve certified several Sleep Sense Consultants who are on hand and personally trained by me to provide parents with the support and guidance needed to get them to success!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dana Obleman is the author of The Sleep Sense Program which has been used by more than 32,000 families to get their children sleeping through the night. You can get a free sleep assessment for your child by clicking here or visiting her website at http://www.sleepsense.net.

Twitter: @SleepBabyDana / YouTube: youtube.com/user/sleepsense

Child Development Authors & Experts Interview: Lise Eliot, Ph. D., Author of Pink Brain Blue Brain

Q&A WITH LISE ELIOT PH. D.

Author of Pink Brain Blue Brain

Question: We are big fans of your book, What’s Going On In There?, so we were very excited for your new book to be released. What inspired you to write Pink Brain Blue Brain?

Answer: Like many parents, I was fascinated by the differences between my daughter and sons.  But as a neuroscientist, I was curious how these differences are reflected in their brains. And if there are differences between boys’ and girls’ brains, what causes them—nature or nurture? I’ve also always been fascinated by the degree to which our personalities and abilities are shaped by innate factors, such as genes and hormones, versus environment—learning and experiences. Sex differences are a perfect distillation of this question, because there are obviously inborn biological differences between boys and girls, as well as deep differences in the culture boys and girls grow up in. I relished the chance to dig into the actual scientific data on the comparative roles of nature and nurture in creating sex differences in children’s brains and behavior.

Question: If readers were to take away one key lesson from your book, what do you hope it would be?

Answer: That boy-girl differences are not as “hard-wired” as many parents believe. Yes, there are innate differences, but they are more like biases, not absolute preferences or abilities.  And these small differences become magnified through all sorts of influences—marketing, parenting, and especially kid culture itself.   

There is so little we do with our brains that is actually hard-wired.   Most of our abilities, preferences, and even personality traits are shaped through neural plasticity—the brain’s fantastic ability to adapt to whatever culture, peer group, and educational system it is growing up in.  A better way to think about it is that whatever you do with your brain is what it becomes “wired” for.   So any time you see an obvious difference between men and women, or boys and girls, you have to ask yourself: How did they spend their time over the past three or thirty years to make their brains so good (or so bad) at certain skills?  And more importantly, if boys or girls are struggling in a particular area—whether it’s math, reading, or just sitting still in class—how can the right environment and forms of practice help them catch up?

Question: Did anything unexpected come out of your research writing this book?

Answer: Yes. As a biologist, I started out focused on figuring out precisely how boys’ and girls’ brains differ and the role of hormones in creating such differences. But the data just aren’t there! Scientists have identified very few reliable differences between men’s and women’s brains, much less between boys’ and girls’.  So rather than focusing on the “nature” side (for which there is very little evidence) I shifted my emphasis to the “nurture” side of the equation—toward uncovering the many ways in which parents, teachers, and especially children’s own beliefs about gender-appropriate behavior trigger the neuroplasticity that magnifies small initial differences into more troublesome boy-girl gaps.

Question: Which genuine difference surprised you the most?

Answer: The writing gap is much larger than I appreciated—especially when you consider all the great male writers through history. Boys clearly need more attention in this area, and I’ve suggested several ways to do this in the book. I was also frankly surprised that the sex difference in spatial navigation is as large as it is. I love maps and always orient myself in terms of north-south-east-west, so to learn that women, on average, really are poorer at this than men was eye-opening, and makes me all the more determined to use such “direction-speak” when I’m driving my kids—daughter and sons—around town.

On the other hand, I was honestly surprised at how weak the evidence is for hormonal effects on our mood and thinking abilities. While prenatal testosterone has some influence over play behavior and perhaps later sexual orientation, the sex hormones that rise at puberty and remain elevated in adults have surprisingly modest effects on our thinking—except for sex drive, which testosterone elevates in both men and women!

Question: You have two sons and a daughter. Do you think either girls or boys are harder to raise in a gender-balanced way?

Answer: Things have changed a lot for girls; parents’ preaching “you can do anything you want” is paying off, especially in sports and academic achievement. Girls really can do anything these days, and while some still restrict themselves to certain activities (for example, because they see computer programming camp as a “guy” thing), their parents are not usually the ones feeding them such ideas.  We are definitely seeing girls moving into areas they didn’t broach before, like playing hockey, the trombone, or running for student council president.

With boys, it’s harder, because our society is still very homophobic and many people seem to believe that sending a boy to ballet class will make him gay.  So we are freer to raise our daughters along a broader expanse of the gender spectrum, but boys are being painted into an ever-tinier corner as both they and society yields ground to girls.  It takes a community-wide effort to make a difference. In my town, we happen to have a great choral teacher who gets considerable numbers of middle-school boys singing and dancing. But this is just one lucky happenstance of local culture. Most other activities are distressingly gender-segregated, which is bad for both boys and girls.

The only way around this pink-blue barrier is to require kids to engage in certain activities. When I was in middle school, everyone had to take woodworking as part of art class. Nowadays, we let kids choose woodworking versus painting, so guess who ends up in each class? As I argue in the book, we need to reign in some of kids’ choices if we want to reduce the gnawing gaps between boys and girls.

On the other hand, as a mother of a teenaged daughter, if you ask me which sex is harder to raise, regardless of gender issues… well, answering that will just get me into a lot of trouble.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lise Eliot is Associate Professor of Neuroscience at The Chicago Medical School of Rosalind Franklin University of Medicine & Science. A Chicago native, she received an A.B. degree from Harvard University, a Ph.D. from Columbia University, and did post-doctoral research at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. In addition to teaching and writing, Dr. Eliot lectures widely on children’s brain and gender development. She lives in Lake Bluff, Illinois with her husband and three children. 

Website: http://www.liseeliot.com/  Twitter: @Lise_Eliot

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Justine Froelker, Author of Ever Upward

Q&A WITH JUSTINE FROELKER

Author of Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life

Question: What inspired you to start the blog, Ever Upward?

Answer: I was honest within my very first post in November 2013. I started Ever Upward, the blog, to build credibility and the platform for the book. Never could I have imagined the life it would grow all on it’s own. The people I have met, the relationships and connections that have grown, the support and love I have felt are simply immeasurable!

Question: Please tell us more about your upcoming book, Ever Upward: Owning My Childfree Life in Our Child Obsessed World.

Answer: Ever Upward is my hopeful story of what I did to change my life for the better after the heartbreaking, devastating and life-long losses of infertility. Ever Upward begins with my incredible story of surviving life through two back surgeries, a year in a body cast and two rounds of IVF with a gestational surrogate. I guide the reader through the strategies I used to overcome the loss of my dream of motherhood and chose to thrive through the ownership and acceptance of my childfree life.

Question: What do you hope readers take away from your story?

Answer: I hope they will be entertained by my life story and, better yet, changed to know that we are all capable of changing and redefining our lives. I hope to start and continue the conversation around breaking the silence of infertility of any kind.

Most of all, I hope to give readers the permission to own all the parts of their story; to accept and even love every version of the happy endings, no matter the loss, trauma or tragedy suffered, especially in infertility treatments.

Question: Do you think your experience as a therapist made the infertility journey easier or harder on you?

Answer: Honestly, both. Easier in that I read, research and know many resources for life improvement, even just beyond the therapeutic theory. But also more difficult in that there were times through my recovery from infertility that I felt like a fraud in fighting my own struggles and in searching for my own recovery. What I know now is that my struggles, my ownership of my fight and my recovery are what make me a great therapist. As I have done my own work I have seen how much more I can give to my clients in helping them through whatever they are facing right now. I also know my struggles and my story of infertility, especially my ending in which many would say can’t be a happy ending, helps me tremendously with understanding others going through the journey, no matter where they are in it or what their result.

Question: What is your favorite piece of advice to give couples dealing with infertility?

Answer: Talk about it and maybe even seek outside professional help. I think to only rely on each other and your medical team is way too much for any relationship to handle. You don’t have to tell everyone in your life and you don’t have to write a public blog or publish a book like I have. But, I think, if we actually break the shamed silence of infertility and own all the parts of our stories, our treatments could have higher success rates, we could get the understanding we so want and need and we will be happier and healthier versions of ourselves, no matter what our happy ending looks like.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Justine Brooks Froelker, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator-Candidate (based on the research of Brené Brown) with a private practice in St. Louis, Missouri. For the last 14 years she has helped her clients achieve success in improving their quality of life as it relates to anxiety, depression, relationships, infertility, addictions, perfectionism, eating and weight issues and common discontent, using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Solution Focused Therapy.

In addition to her private practice, Ms. Froelker is an adjunct faculty member at Saint Louis Community College, where she teaches General Psychology. She can be seen regularly on the St. Louis KMOV live midday show, Great Day St. Louis. Ms. Froelker contributes to the monthly publication, St. Louis Health & Wellness Magazine, as an expert therapist. She is also currently updating her blog, Ever Upward, about her personal experience with infertility, which can be found at www.everupward.org. Her book will be available late 2014 or early 2015.

Website: http://everupward.org/ and http://www.jbftherapyandcoaching.com/

Twitter: @JustineFroelker 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/everupwardblog

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Thomas C. Vaughn MD

Q&A WITH DR. THOMAS C. VAUGHN 

Question: What inspired you to focus your medical training on infertility?

Answer: I was very interested in Obstetrics and Gynecology in medical school but I became more interested in infertility as I progressed through my OB/GYN education.  I found the practice of infertility to be more intriguing than the practice of obstetrics and gynecology.  I enjoyed the reconstructive surgery required for the practice of infertility more than surgical procedures for general gynecology such as sterilization, hysterectomy, etc.  And, the patients having difficulty conceiving are really engaged in their health care which makes the practice very enjoyable.

Question: What do you typically recommend at the first appointment for a couple who’s been unsuccessful getting pregnant on their own?

Answer: Many social habits can reduce the chance of conceiving.  It is important to identify those habits and encourage changes that are beneficial.  Smoking strongly reduces the chances of conceiving and increases the chance of miscarriage. Smoking should be avoided.  Also, it is important to limit caffeine and alcohol.  These are things that couples can do on their own to maximize their chances of conceiving.  Also, it is a good idea to explain the tests necessary to diagnose the cause of their infertility.  It is important to make a plan for the couples to complete these tests in a short period of time.  After completing the diagnostic tests, it is a good idea to meet with the couple again to discuss the appropriate treatments.  Sometimes there is no identifiable cause for the infertility and the patient is considered to have “unexplained infertility.” Although this diagnosis may sound discouraging to a couple, there are many treatments that can improve their chances of becoming pregnant. 

Question: What is the biggest challenge for you, as a physician, in the infertility field?

Answer: The biggest challenge is encouraging couples to ask for assistance early in their quest to become pregnant.  It is recommended that couples seek advice if they have had 6-12 months of unprotected intercourse and have not conceived.  The age of the egg is one of the most difficult barriers to overcome. Fertility for women begins declining at age 30 -31.  Unfortunately, some patients delay asking for help until they are in their late 30s or early 40s.   

Question: The average success rates for births at fertility clinics have roughly doubled in the past decade. What do you attribute the increased success to?

Answer: Success rates have increased significantly with in vitro fertilization because of improvements in the IVF laboratory environment.  Also, a new procedure for cryopreservation of embryos and oocytes called vitrification has revolutionized the procedure and increased the success rates. Many women are cryopreserving their oocytes prior to treatment for cancer since chemotherapy and/or radiation can destroy the ovary, rendering a woman infertile.  Cryopreservation before treatment gives them hope of being able to become pregnant after completing their cancer treatments.  

Question: We came to almost every appointment with you together, as a team. In your experience, are husbands getting more involved in the infertility process these days than they were in the past?  

Answer: Yes.  After all, at least 40% of the time there are issues with the sperm.  Therefore, it is really important that the husbands attend as many appointments as possible.  Most husbands are interested in accompanying their wives for appointments but their work doesn’t always allow them to be present.  Clearly, husbands are invited to attend all appointments and consultations.

ABOUT THE EXPERT

A native of Dallas, Texas, Dr. Vaughn received his undergraduate degree from the University of Texas at Austin. He completed his medical school training and residency in Obstetrics & Gynecology at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, Texas. He attended Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina, for his fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility. Dr. Vaughn was a founder of Austin’s oldest and largest In Vitro Fertilization Program in Central Texas. He has served as the President of the Medical Staff of the Seton Health Care Network. Dr. Vaughn is Board Certified in both Obstetrics & Gynecology and Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility.

Learn more about Dr. Vaughn and the Texas Fertility Center at http://txfertility.com/

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Barbara Blitzer, Author of The Infertility Workbook

Q&A with Barbara Blitzer

Question: What inspired you to write the infertility workbook?

Answer: I was inspired to write the book after years of working with people struggling with fertility issues. I observed that instruction in specific mind-body, stress reduction skills were empowering and helpful. Those who understood the challenges of fertility issues went through the process more easily, had better relationships, and could make decisions more effectively. I wrote the book to share the techniques and insights that have been effective with countless clients and to make them available to a wider audience. 

Question: What types of exercises and worksheets are in the book? Are some of them geared to have couples to do together? 

Answer: This is an inclusive book. It addresses conceptual, emotional, and practical issues related to fertility. For each topic there is an informational section, a set of exercises that help the reader explore her personal experience and a Take Charge section with instruction in mind-body practices that relate to the specific topic discussed. Topics include the mind-body connection, understanding and reducing worry, coping with the emotional roller coaster of hope and disappointment, and working with the body. There are also chapters involving more practical issues such as choosing a fertility practice, understanding the fertility workup and some common diagnoses, and making decisions about treatment options. There is an entire chapter on working with relationships with discussions of how infertility impacts couples and specific instruction in communication techniques and ways of strengthening your bond. This chapter lends itself especially well to couples but all of the chapters can be shared by couples. When I wrote this book I wanted to offer as many techniques as possible so have included work with thoughts, imagery, meridian tapping, meditation, cognitive therapy, breathing, journaling and more.  Not every chapter or technique is for every person but there is a lot to choose from and something for everyone. It goes beyond basic stress reduction because it relates all techniques to specific fertility issues and also helps people understand and express their feelings. 

Question: Therapy is your specialty.  In what ways can therapy help couples that are dealing with infertility?

Answer: Infertility is a huge emotional challenge for couples. It can create depression, and anxiety. It you are dealing with infertility it can leave you feeling isolated from friends and families who don’t share your experience or who don’t seem to understand how to say and do the right thing.  Infertility can be very lonely and very stressful. Having someone to talk to who listens can be helpful all by itself because it breaks down some of the isolation and allows a time and space to explore feelings, thoughts and options. Therapy helps people develop coping strategies, good communication and realistically optimistic ways of thinking. Mind-body technique integrated with the therapy, can give couples a sense of control, a way to reduce stress and pain, and a path to greater peace and deeper connection with themselves and with each other.

Question: There are several recent news articles linking stress with infertility issues. What are your thoughts?

Answer: I’m a long standing believe in the power of the mind to affect the body and vice versa which is really what the mind-body connection means, but, having said that I would never suggest to anyone that they are causing their infertility. People get pregnant under very stressful conditions all around the world. Also, people have fertility issues for different reasons. Not everyone is the same so what may be helpful in one instance may be less so in another. The truth is that we don’t have all of the answers yet but we have to act upon what we do know as well as we can. I like to go back to basics on this issue. We know that infertility is stressful and also that there have been several studies indicating a correlation between stress reduction and improved outcomes. If you are going through infertility, you are most likely investing a lot of money, time, and energy. If reducing stress has any chance of increasing your chances of success, it seems like something to try. The only side effect is giving you skills that will help you feel more peaceful and in charge.

Question: You’ve recently added a new Infertility Workbook coaching program. Sounds awesome - please tell us more about it!

Answer: The Infertility Workbook includes lots and lots of exercises to help people explore their own personal fertility issues and to learn techniques. It is designed to offer resources that people can use on their own. The process, however, can open the door to emotions, questions, or the need for support. On their own, people can get stuck. They may not know how to apply or practice the skills. They may want some encouragement or instruction as well as someone to listen and support them as they go through the book. They may want to deepen and improve their experience. That is where the coaching program comes in. I am here to help people as they go through the book. If I am coaching you and you are reading the chapter on relationships, for example, we can talk about your relationship specifically and I will help you. If you are trying to breath, or tap, or do a meditation, I can help you move through any obstacles and make your experience more successful. We can focus on any issues you might have or we can work through the chapters of the book together with you, your life,  your concerns as the focus. I am working by phone, skype, as well as in the DC metro area. The program is flexible and anyone who is interested can contact me and we will explore what will work best. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Barbara Blitzer, LCSW-C, MEd, is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and expert on mind-body techniques and their application to fertility. Formerly a faculty member at The Center for Mind Body Medicine in Washington, DC, she now works in private practice, with special focus on treating anxiety, depression, and infertility through talk therapy and mind/body approaches. She is available for individuals throughout the Washington, DC area in addition to offering services via telephone and SKYPE. She is a professional member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, Resolve, the National Association of Social Workers, and the Greater Washington Clinical Society. Her work has been cited in the Washington Post, Washington Woman, Conceive Online,INCIID.org (The International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination) and on several websites. If you would like to learn more about her private practice, or to learn about The Infertility Workbook coaching program, please visit www.barbarablitzer.com.

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Jill Blakeway, Author of Making Babies

Q&A WITH JILL BLAKEWAY

Question: What inspired you to write Making Babies: A Proven 3-month Program for Maximum Fertility?

Answer: I wrote Making Babies with an MD because we wanted to combine our knowledge and experience into a comprehensive plan. That way we could give our patients and our readers the best of Eastern and Western medicine.Question: We followed your “fertility boot camp” when we headed down the in vitro route, including a reduction in strenuous exercise, acupuncture and nutrition.  

Question: Do you have a cheat sheet that our readers can follow to maximize their fertility?

Answer: One of the main messages of Making Babies is that there is no one-size-fits-all method of getting pregnant. In the book we created five fertility types for both men and women. Each type follows a slightly different plan in order to maximize their chances of conceiving. But the cheat sheet I give my patients is as follows:

• Eat whole foods and minimize your intake of processed foods. Make sure you get enough lean protein, some whole grains and lots and lots of colorful fruits and vegetables. Cut back on coffee and alcohol and cut out bad habits like smoking.
• Find a way to manage stress. Acupuncture is a good way to offset the effects of stress on reproductive hormones.
• Understand your cycle and get help to correct hormone imbalances. Chinese medicine can be a great way to regulate a cycle.
• Get your timing right (there’s lots of advice about this in the book)
• Make sure you take steps to improve pelvic circulation. The self-massages in Making Babies are particularly good for this.
• Make sure your doctor tests you for common fertility problems and some uncommon ones if you’ve been trying to conceive for a while. The tests you need are all outlined in the book.You can also find your fertility type here. 

Question: Of all the advice in your book, what’s the biggest takeaway for women trying to get pregnant?

Answer: That the things you do to support your general health such as eating well, taking supplements, getting an appropriate amount of exercise, receiving acupuncture, etc. will all enhance your fertility.

Question: You’ve recently published a new book, Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido. I love that there are “He Said” boxes written by your husband.  What was that process like, collaborating on a book together?

Answer: It was fun. I’ve been married to my husband for a long time but I was still surprised by some of the things he said in the “He Says” section of the book. The book is for couples that want to revive their libido.  It’s based on some ancient Taoist texts brought right up to date for modern couples. My husband’s contribution was vital because we’re both practitioners of Chinese medicine but we see the Taoist texts quite differently because men and women see sex differently.

Question: You and your husband work together as well. Your NYC clinic is such a unique complementary medical center. Where did the idea for opening the YinOva Center come from?

Answer: The YinOva Center really evolved. We simply set out to give our patients the best care we could and the center grew by word of mouth. These days it’s one of the biggest Chinese medicine practices in the country.  We added services because our patients asked for them so these days we have 10 acupuncturists/herbalists, a naturopath, a massage therapist, a nutritionist, a yoga teacher, a social worker and Pilates teacher. The whole team works together to provide our patients with comprehensive complementary medical care.

Question: How did you find the time to run a medical center and write books too? 

Answer: Frankly, I have a wonderful team so at this point, I’m not running everything. Everyone at YinOva cares deeply about our mission to provide people with great health care. Giving people access to information about their health is part of that mission. So writing books, along with our blog and the work we do on social media, are all ways we connect with people. To be honest it’s fun and it doesn’t feel like work. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

YinOva founder Jill Blakeway is a licensed and board certified acupuncturist, clinical herbalist, and both a highly skilled and an empathic and intuitive practitioner. She is also an author and speaker. She specializes in the care of women and children, and in particular in using Chinese medicine to enhance fertility and fertility treatments. Her work helping women achieve a healthy pregnancy inspired the New York Times to call her one of the city’s top acupuncturists and a “fertility goddess.”

Follow Jill on Facebook and Twitter