Kid Favorites: Disney's Frozen

I've been looking for a Frozen costume for Sydney's upcoming birthday party. For those of you who haven't seen the movie yet (anyone? anyone?), it is cute! We know all the music by heart in the Miller house. We have experienced a Frozen Obsession similar to the funny post on Mommy Shorts.

But I digress. So I'm searching for a cute Elsa costume this afternoon when I run across one on Amazon for $1,199. $1,199! My eyes scanned down to the first review, which was 5 stars, and it made me laugh enough to share...

5.0 out of 5 stars This is a BARGAIN!, February 3, 2014

By Jarad Denton - See all my reviews

This review is from: Disney Store Frozen Elsa Limited Edition LE Costume Size 6

I know there are many naysayers regarding this dress, but I have to say - after setting aside my monthly house payment to cover the cost of this item, I am firmly convinced that I made out like a bandit. There are several amazing features that I was able to justify draining our bank account to my soon-to-be ex-wife.

1. This beautiful Elsa dress is made by starving Dominican worker-children - which clearly spells quality. The stitching still has remnants of blood from where they pricked their tiny fingers, a true testament to the dedication the children have for their craft. If you look closely, you will notice that the sparkles are not cheap, dollar store glitter - they are the dried, salty tears of the tiny seamstresses.

2. The cape itself was designed and tested by an executive at Wayne Enterprises. Made from cutting-edge memory cloth, it will transform your beautiful fairy tale princess into a vengeful crime fighter almost overnight. Simply apply an electrical current through the space-age fabric and let the soaring fun begin! The only drawback is that the costume itself is not resistant to electricity, so the advantage of flight comes at the cost of toddler electro-shock.

3. A little known fact is that this dress actually gives the wearer magical ice powers. I myself was ignorant to this when I dressed my beautiful princess as Elsa. Within 20 minutes, she was freezing things all over my house: furniture, electronics, cats, etc. The fun didn't stop there. After two weeks, my angel is completely drunk with power - which unfortunately explains the state of Atlanta and most of the southern United States. I'm certain that this is really a phase she will grow out of, but personally, I enjoy the look of wonder and amazement she has every time she brings about another snowmadeggeon.

So, for all those who think $900 is too high a price, I challenge you to remember that you can't truly put a value on a child's happiness. This dress has literally saved me from hours of quality time that I would normally have to spend with my child. Now instead of precious cuddle time, I simply throw coins or cash and my child. Thanks, Elsa dress, you have saved my life!