I was lucky enough to have a crazy, sweet husband throughout the infertility process. He came to every appointment he could, made me laugh, and pumped me up when I was feeling downhearted.
Here are the 5 ways we battled through infertility together:
1. Get On the Same Page - Decide from the start how important having a child is to both of you, and what steps you're prepared to take. Once we acquired the infertility label (more than a year of trying to conceive), we decided we would do some tests, try gonadotropins first, and then try three rounds of in vitro. If we didn't get pregnant by then, we'd take six months off and travel around the world. Surrogates and adoption were topics we planned to discuss after our sabbatical.
2. Find Humor Wherever You Can - Stress is no good for getting pregnant (new research backs this up), so we tried to laugh about everything we could. It helps to have a goofy spouse screaming "WHERE ARE THE PLANS?" in a German accent with the table flashlight that's supposed to light up you Hoo-Hoo!
3. Support Each Other - Chris came to my appointments whenever he could, and I went to his. We were rarely "down" at the same time - when one of us was feeling frustrated, the other would take the "glass half full" approach.
4. Don't Point Fingers - You married each other because you love each other. Kids or no kids. When we couldn't get pregnant, Chris hoped there was something wrong with him (ideally fixable), so it would be his burden. I hoped it was me so I'd have nobody else to blame. But no matter why you can't get pregnant, remember you're in this together.
5. Talk, Talk, Talk - Don't bottle it all in. Don't put on your happy face when you're feeling like you could jump off a cliff. Share your feelings with each other every step of the way.
In talking with other couples, I find that what works for them is often very unique to their personalities. I'm curious - what has worked for your marriage during your infertility journey?