5 Ideas for Celebrating Father’s Day for the Fertility Challenged

My wife and I barreled through three Mother’s and Father’s Days while we were trying to get pregnant. I decided they should be fun, celebration days instead of the alternative, which was moping around, stewing with frustration by our lack of success.

Here are five ideas for celebrating Father’s Day weekend for the fertility challenged:

1. Celebrate with your father, father-in-law or grandfather and make the day about them. Gleefully ignore any comments they may make about having your own kids. 
2. Choose the antithesis of a Father’s Day celebration. Take your significant other to the movies, followed by a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant where children are not likely to be out in numbers. Or if they are, act like a child right along with them and join in their merriment.
3.  Do what other fathers with young kids can’t typically do! See a favorite band. Hop on a plane to watch your favorite baseball team, the College World Series or the NBA Finals. Climb a mountain. Jump out of a plane. Swim with sharks. Okay, maybe that's not such a great idea. But you get the idea.
4. Borrow a kid for a couple hours (a niece/nephew or friend's kid), pop some popcorn and watch a kids' movie you haven’t seen since you were little. Little Big League, Big, ET, Star Wars, Goonies or any Disney movie.
5. Call it “Hopeful-Father-To-Be-Day” and celebrate just like the rest of the dads in the world.   

Kid Favorites: Swimming with Dolphins

A couple of years ago, Sydney’s favorite animals were dolphins and whales. I don’t remember how it got started, but like the other animal favorites before – goats, deer and rhinos – this fetish lasted a while. We enjoyed two months of Sydney playing exclusively with her dolphin and whale friends for tea parties, in the bath, to bring on adventures, to talk to, etc. I loved to listen to her talking to them. “Here’s your tea. Don’t worry, I have another fish for you!”

So when we booked our trip to the Big Island of Hawaii a couple summers ago, the first place Michelle called was DolphinQuest to reserve a spot for Sydney to swim with the dolphins. 

Sydney enjoyed everything but the dolphin splashing her in the face and the fact that, when it was over, she had not actually gotten to “swim” with the dolphins. When the class was over, she cried for 10 minutes, feeling very cheated. Even though we’d prepared her for how short it was going to be, and she'd watched the other classes every day for a week before it was her turn, she obviously expected something completely different than what she got, which was to pet the dolphin, feed him some fish and shake his fin.

Still, she said she'd do it again, so it's officially a "favorite" in my mind.

What are some of your kids' favorite adventures?

Explaining Memorial Day To My Children

Kids are insatiably curious. Mine easily ask fifty questions a day and I’m sure Memorial Day will be no exception. So trying to be prepared for once, I started thinking about what to say to my five-year-old daughter when she asks what the holiday is all about. 

What will I tell her? Most people celebrate the holiday to kick off summer, with backyard barbecues or a day at the beach. How many pause to think about what it means? To remember all of the men and women who have served and died for our country.

But ultimately, I started to think on a deeper level (I do that on rare occasions), about honoring the people who have given their lives for justice and freedom. Is there a connection between living souls and those of the dead? If we thank them on this day, do they know it? Do they feel it somehow, this rush of emotions from millions of people? 

So my answer to my children, when they ask, will be that we celebrate the day because we want to pay tribute to the people who sacrificed their lives for a better world. And I hope that their souls, wherever they are, can feel our gratitude.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRIOTISM

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE

THANK YOU FOR YOUR STRENGTH

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE

Dad Adventures: The Airport

Most of us have a pull toward the sky, like some transcendental connection of what might be or what is. Infants’ tiny heads will turn, tracing a contrail or a jet in their sight. Toddlers point and grunt or say something that vaguely sounds like the word "plane." Children will scream out, “I SEE A PLANE,” point it out, and then ask you all kinds of questions. What kind of plane is that? Where is it going? Where did it come from? Is that the same plane we were on?  

Even long after they stop asking and this world in the sky seems more normal, whatever “normal” really is, children and some adults, me included, will keep looking. I’ve watched my five-year-old tracing a plane across the vast sky until it disappears into the horizon. Afterward she looked at me, recognition of the coolness of the moment passed between us, and we didn’t need to say a word.  

I am always search for eye opening adventures for my kids. The first adventure I ever went on as a father was to the airport. In truth, I started this tradition because I was looking for a way to get my wife that ONE morning a week to sleep in - without torturing myself.  But it’s turned into something much better.  (By the way, as a Dad you get tons of points for giving you wife breaks, be it sleeping in or just a nice, quiet afternoon. Hint, Hint.)

The first time I ever took Sydney to the airport, she was too young to even walk, but even from the car she was in awe. We spent nearly three hours at the airport those first couple of times.  This meant two diaper changes, but it was still worth it. We live in Austin, so although there is not a constant barrage of loud takeoffs and landings, there are planes frequent enough to entertain us. If you have a fussy kid like we do, the takeoffs and landings are ‘big’ enough events to completely distract them. And once they are distracted, they are happy each time you go. 

I’ll never forget the first time I went with each of my children. The first plane took off, they looked and me, and then said “more!”

Here’s the routine: 

1.     Find a place near your airport to watch planes. 

In Austin, there is a family viewing area literally beside the 17 Left 35 Right Runway (see more on runway lingo at the end of this post).  Drive past the airport on 71 and take the first right after the Airport exit, onto Golfcourse Road. 

Austin used to be an air force base, so this area was leftover from those days. But I’d imagine most airports have some place to watch the planes take off and land, even if it’s just an airport hotel parking lot.  Be creative.  It’s seeing the planes you’re after. 

2.     Pack up or pick up food and drinks.

Think picnic, Daddy style. Messy is okay.  Ideally, outside of the car.  But we do have to clean my car twice as much as my wife’s, so it’s not always outside the car.  ;-)  What my kids love the most is being able to get out and wander around. The planes become the event, but the time in between allows for precious bonding.  Ask them questions. How do you think planes fly? Where is that one going? Where would you fly if you could?

3.     Tune into the ATC at http://www.liveatc.net

You can listen to the tower and the planes as they take off and land. I tune into this on the way to the airport and my kids turn there little faces to the sky.  They always find the first plane before I do.  I’ve found that even though they don’t understand everything they hear, this sets the ambiance. My daughter always gets excited when she hears them say “Big Heavy” over ATC, which means one of the big FedEx planes is coming in or taking off. They also have Droid and iPhone App available. 

4.     If you have someone coming to visit, you can also track their flight with http://flightaware.com/

You can actually type in their flight number and track in real time or near real time where it is.  So you’ll see it on the screen and then see it in the air as it approaches. 

I enjoy this because it’s a lot like watching baseball with your kids. It’s about what happens in between the pitches, not just what happens with each pitch.  

Enjoy! If you’re a mom, share this with you husband, your brother or your husband’s brother.  Uncles can do this stuff too.

Shoot me a comment if you have questions or suggestions on where to watch planes from your city.

RUNWAY LINGO:

Runways are numbered based on a compass.  A compass has 360 degrees.  360 is North.  Drop the 0.  36 is a runway facing due North. 18 would be due South. Planes always take off into the wind. So they would choose 36 or 18 based on the current wind. 

But there is one more thing. If there are parallel runways then they are named based on right left and if there are three center. Right, left, and center are based on the direction the plane is facing. So 36 Right is the same runway as 18 Left, it’s just called something different to tell the Aircraft which direction they will takeoff or land in.

In Austin, there are runways 35 and 17. The number tells you the direction. In Austin, where there are two parallel runways, 35 Right means you’re facing almost North and it’s the runway on the right. 

More here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runway

Lessons Learned: Never Make Your Office Door Out of Glass

When we moved into our four-bedroom house, with no kids, we had our pick of the place for our office. It's moved several times in the last ten years. When Sabrina was born, Michelle decided to move it from the back hallway bedroom to the front hallway bedroom. When Luke was born, we needed that fourth bedroom, so we moved the office to the extra living area off the family room. We closed the space off with double glass doors.

That was a ridiculously bad idea. 

Now while we're on the phone with clients or trying to concentrate on a writing project, we have three kids looking into the fishbowl. Or banging on the glass. Or screaming so loud you can hear every word.

We're seriously debating about building a back-house, just so we have a place to work in peace and quiet without having to drive to an office. 

Lessons Learned Recap: Use the most remote room in the house for your office if you have young children. Ideally with a vault door, extra thick insulation and an escape hatch. 

Don't Forget to Look Up

Michelle and I were at dinner the other night. Sitting at a table next to us was a ~10-year-old girl and her father, waiting for their food. They were not talking and laughing, and clearly not taking advantage of this moment together. What was crazy to me was that it wasn't the young girl playing a computer game on her iTouch or Nintendo. It was her father, playing a game on his phone. 

I know I'm guilty of this getting distracted sometimes too, when there's a call I have to take or an email I have to respond to when I'm out with my family. But this struck a chord. Here's a chance for a father and daughter to have a "date night" and spend quality time together. And they didn't say one word to each other. The girl looked around and actually sighed. The father finally put away his phone when the food came, but the conversation didn't start then either.

Someone on my Facebook page shared the Look Up video yesterday, about the perils of technology to our everyday communication and connection (there's that social media stuff again!), which spurred me to write this post. I don’t personally agree with his rant on social media, but I do agree we’re all looking down at our tech gadgets too often these days, adults and kids alike. There are great things about technology. Like swimming laps and jamming to music with the new waterproof iPod Shuffle the kids got me for my birthday last month. And then there are not so great things about technology. I hope to help my kids understand how to use it properly... 

And most of all, I hope to take advantage of every precious moment with my kids. 

A Dad's Perspective: Too Much Attention

If you're a first-time parent, let me offer a suggestion, which I will pass off as wisdom. 

We went through A LOT to have our first child. 4+ years of infertility treatments, and when she finally arrived, we lavished her with all of our attention. We knew so little. When she cried, we assumed she was sick or hurt. When she wanted something, we had a hard time saying no. And when she wanted our attention, we gave it to her. Which was pretty much, all the time.

Now, while I am not suggesting you ignore your child, you might want to ignore your child. Sydney was the center of our universe. And that's just how she acts five years later. "Acts" might not be a bit too strong, but I would at least say we are still struggling to overcome an early precedent we set. She doesn’t YET understand that, sometimes, you can't everything the way you want it.  

And while it is NOT my mission to make her feel this way, she needs to see that if it doesn’t work out the way you want, that’s not always so bad. Things change, you can change them.  I want her to see this as the opportunity versus just as something that is “the most terrible thing ever.” Yes, that is one of her favorite quotes.  

From the beginning, Sydney was strong willed, emotional, needed a lot of attention, and wanted to negotiate everything. If I Googled the definition of high maintenance, I swear her picture would be there. Our other two children, which I won't say we completely "ignored," but didn't get nearly the attention of our first, are much more easy going, can play on their own for hours and are nearly always low maintenance. 

My wife will argue, to no end, that Sydney was born with her personality, and it was not our nurturing that did it. I won’t say she is wrong, because I do see both as an influence (and because, smartly, I don't often point out when she is wrong). But had we realized that our child was going to have to cope in the real world some day, not "Sydney's World," and helped her begin life more balanced, I’m convinced she would be less high maintenance.

On the plus side, all that attention did give her an extended vocabulary...

So my advice is to give your kids attention, teach them everything you can, but try to find a balance so that they don't think they are at the center of the universe. This is easier when you have more than one child and a lot less time for them all! For those of you with one kid, maybe take turns in your head? It’s mommy’s turn this time, daddy's turn next time, and then your kids' turn(s).

Lessons Learned Recap: Too much attention is not a good thing.