Lessons Learned: Swim Class

When Sydney was about to turn two, everyone we talked to about swim lessons said the experience with Austin's well-known “Swim Whisperer” was really tough to stomach, but that it was worth it. It was supposed to be worth it because, at the end of the 5-day class, Sydney would know how to swim and we wouldn’t need to worry about her drowning in a pool. Well, it was every bit of the nightmare people had warned me about.  And it was not worth it in our case.

The fist day, Sydney screamed for Mommy and cried and gulped down gallons of water and scrambled to get out of the pool 15 minutes later when the first lesson was over. Meanwhile, I had barely been able to breathe while trying to encourage her. She was almost comatose by the time she dragged herself out of the water and I just held her in my arms and whispered that I loved her and how proud I was of her effort.

The second day she was even more upset than the first, since she knew what to expect.  From the minute she woke up that morning, she started saying, “No pool Mommy.” And because I felt like it was still the right thing to do, I said she had to go, but not to worry about it – that it was much later in the day and that I’d be right there. I’d been planning for Chris to deal with this, since I’m pregnant and already emotional enough, but he was in London the week a spot opened up, so Grandma Kit and I got to bear the burden. She started crying more than an hour before her lesson, even though we did our absolute best to distract her. She screamed even louder getting into the pool, cried most of the time she was in the pool, and threw up pool water when she got out. 

Days three and four didn’t go much better. More crying and screaming. Not a whole lot more progress.

On day five, we got to join her in the pool – Daddy was finally back – and she seemed a little bit happier that she got to swim to us. But she still wasn’t really “getting it” in terms of kicking her legs. She would glide at a snail’s pace under the water and I’d will her to kick so she wouldn’t breathe in pool water and choke. But I did feel that if she fell into the pool, there was a good chance she wouldn’t panic and would be able to get herself to the side and climb out. The only positive out of the experience.

We were supposed to take her to the pool that weekend and practice what we learned, but while I was balling my eyes out Friday night getting the entire week’s tension out, I told Chris there was no way I was going to make her go under the water. If he wanted to, that was his choice.

Saturday morning when Chris mentioned going to the pool, Sydney started crying immediately. We told her she didn’t have to go to the pool if she didn’t want to, and then spent a long time trying to help her understand that going to the pool was different than swim lessons, and that the swim lessons were over. Late that afternoon, we went to the park down the street and when we peeked in on the kids swimming, Sydney decided she wanted to get in. She was so determined to swim that she started taking her clothes off! Chris ran home to get Sydney's swimsuit and we spent an hour playing in the pool with her. Phew – at least she wasn’t scared of the water or permanently traumatized. We’ve been going to the pool every weekend since, and sometimes she’ll say, “Sydney wants to go under,” while crying and she’ll even try it once and then remember what it’s like and not want to do it again.

In the end, maybe Sydney was just a little too young?  If I had it to do over again, I would try several other alternatives first.

A year later, we enrolled Sydney in swim classes at Emler’s Swim School.  We were careful to call it “swim class” instead of swim lessons after our previous swim disaster. This time around, we went slow and she enjoyed it. It took a LONG time for Sydney to get comfortable going under water. It seemed like she was never going to do it on her own. Every class, she'd tell the teacher, "I don't want to go under the water!" They were very patient with her. We didn't push. We found an instructor we loved and had her work with Sydney one-on-one. And then one day, out of the blue, Sydney decided she "wanted to go under water the whole class." And that's just what she did. 

Lessons Learned Recap: If you have a strong-willed, sensitive child like we do, it's probably not worth potentially scarring them for life to force them to swim under water before they are ready. Take it slow and patient and they'll take the plunge eventually!

Lessons Learned: Cheerios Explosion

Sydney loved Cheerios as a toddler. And when mommy headed to the kitchen to grab her water, Sydney decided it would be really fun to dump the entire bag onto the floor. I heard giggling from the other room and came back to discover a gleeful Sydney using Cheerios as confetti. 

Lessons Learned Recap – Never leave an unclipped bag with your toddler unless you want to experience a food explosion.

Parent Favorites: OK to Wake Clock

Do you have a child who gets up before the rooster? Is it pitch black and you can still hear the owls hooting when he or she stomps into your room? We sympathize. Our oldest daughter, Sydney, has always been an early riser. The spring time change was suddenly the bane of my existence. What was once too early at 6am became way, way, way too early at 5am - at least for a while. If Sydney goes to bed later, she wakes up even earlier, so it's not an easy fix.

But at five years old, she really should be able to stay in bed until a reasonable time of the morning. Right?

Enter the "OK to Wake Clock." You set the time for when it's okay for them to wake up and it lights up green at the magic hour. Even though Sydney can read the time, it's much easier to have a green light tell you it's the right time. Especially during the winter when it's still dark at 7am. 

The girls get my weekly reminder that, "Look! There's this really cool clock in here and it LIGHTS UP when it's okay for you to be out of bed! Amazing!" They roll their eyes, but it does tend to keep them in bed until 7am as long as I keep at the reminders and there's a consequence if they get up before it's green.

This summer, we hope to teach her that even if the clock is green, she needs to play on her own until everyone else in the house is awake, since she's usually up a good hour before the rest of us.

Do you have any tricks for getting your kids to sleep later? Or to play on their own until it's time for the rest of the family to wake up?

Kid Favorites: Disney's Frozen

I've been looking for a Frozen costume for Sydney's upcoming birthday party. For those of you who haven't seen the movie yet (anyone? anyone?), it is cute! We know all the music by heart in the Miller house. We have experienced a Frozen Obsession similar to the funny post on Mommy Shorts.

But I digress. So I'm searching for a cute Elsa costume this afternoon when I run across one on Amazon for $1,199. $1,199! My eyes scanned down to the first review, which was 5 stars, and it made me laugh enough to share...

5.0 out of 5 stars This is a BARGAIN!, February 3, 2014

By Jarad Denton - See all my reviews

This review is from: Disney Store Frozen Elsa Limited Edition LE Costume Size 6

I know there are many naysayers regarding this dress, but I have to say - after setting aside my monthly house payment to cover the cost of this item, I am firmly convinced that I made out like a bandit. There are several amazing features that I was able to justify draining our bank account to my soon-to-be ex-wife.

1. This beautiful Elsa dress is made by starving Dominican worker-children - which clearly spells quality. The stitching still has remnants of blood from where they pricked their tiny fingers, a true testament to the dedication the children have for their craft. If you look closely, you will notice that the sparkles are not cheap, dollar store glitter - they are the dried, salty tears of the tiny seamstresses.

2. The cape itself was designed and tested by an executive at Wayne Enterprises. Made from cutting-edge memory cloth, it will transform your beautiful fairy tale princess into a vengeful crime fighter almost overnight. Simply apply an electrical current through the space-age fabric and let the soaring fun begin! The only drawback is that the costume itself is not resistant to electricity, so the advantage of flight comes at the cost of toddler electro-shock.

3. A little known fact is that this dress actually gives the wearer magical ice powers. I myself was ignorant to this when I dressed my beautiful princess as Elsa. Within 20 minutes, she was freezing things all over my house: furniture, electronics, cats, etc. The fun didn't stop there. After two weeks, my angel is completely drunk with power - which unfortunately explains the state of Atlanta and most of the southern United States. I'm certain that this is really a phase she will grow out of, but personally, I enjoy the look of wonder and amazement she has every time she brings about another snowmadeggeon.

So, for all those who think $900 is too high a price, I challenge you to remember that you can't truly put a value on a child's happiness. This dress has literally saved me from hours of quality time that I would normally have to spend with my child. Now instead of precious cuddle time, I simply throw coins or cash and my child. Thanks, Elsa dress, you have saved my life!

Kid Favorites: Pillow Pets Dream Lites

Our kids, like most I'd imagine, are not big fans of the dark. But the scientists say for their eyes, and brain development, and many other reasons, the darker the better. Only a quandary a mother could understand.

I think we've found a good middle ground.

The Pillow Pets Dream Lites are stuffed animals with lights on their backs. Our kids each have one in their beds (the kids chose two bears and a unicorn). When it's time to turn the lights out, we turn these on so that there is sufficient light in their room while they drift off to sleep. You can choose the timer setting, so that they automatically turn off after 15 minutes.

Problem solved - it's light enough in the room to fall asleep, but dark enough for their health while they're sleeping. 

Now if only I could solve all of my kids' problems with a $20 pillow, I'd be all set.

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview: Jill Blakeway, Author of Making Babies

Q&A WITH JILL BLAKEWAY

Question: What inspired you to write Making Babies: A Proven 3-month Program for Maximum Fertility?

Answer: I wrote Making Babies with an MD because we wanted to combine our knowledge and experience into a comprehensive plan. That way we could give our patients and our readers the best of Eastern and Western medicine.Question: We followed your “fertility boot camp” when we headed down the in vitro route, including a reduction in strenuous exercise, acupuncture and nutrition.  

Question: Do you have a cheat sheet that our readers can follow to maximize their fertility?

Answer: One of the main messages of Making Babies is that there is no one-size-fits-all method of getting pregnant. In the book we created five fertility types for both men and women. Each type follows a slightly different plan in order to maximize their chances of conceiving. But the cheat sheet I give my patients is as follows:

• Eat whole foods and minimize your intake of processed foods. Make sure you get enough lean protein, some whole grains and lots and lots of colorful fruits and vegetables. Cut back on coffee and alcohol and cut out bad habits like smoking.
• Find a way to manage stress. Acupuncture is a good way to offset the effects of stress on reproductive hormones.
• Understand your cycle and get help to correct hormone imbalances. Chinese medicine can be a great way to regulate a cycle.
• Get your timing right (there’s lots of advice about this in the book)
• Make sure you take steps to improve pelvic circulation. The self-massages in Making Babies are particularly good for this.
• Make sure your doctor tests you for common fertility problems and some uncommon ones if you’ve been trying to conceive for a while. The tests you need are all outlined in the book.You can also find your fertility type here. 

Question: Of all the advice in your book, what’s the biggest takeaway for women trying to get pregnant?

Answer: That the things you do to support your general health such as eating well, taking supplements, getting an appropriate amount of exercise, receiving acupuncture, etc. will all enhance your fertility.

Question: You’ve recently published a new book, Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido. I love that there are “He Said” boxes written by your husband.  What was that process like, collaborating on a book together?

Answer: It was fun. I’ve been married to my husband for a long time but I was still surprised by some of the things he said in the “He Says” section of the book. The book is for couples that want to revive their libido.  It’s based on some ancient Taoist texts brought right up to date for modern couples. My husband’s contribution was vital because we’re both practitioners of Chinese medicine but we see the Taoist texts quite differently because men and women see sex differently.

Question: You and your husband work together as well. Your NYC clinic is such a unique complementary medical center. Where did the idea for opening the YinOva Center come from?

Answer: The YinOva Center really evolved. We simply set out to give our patients the best care we could and the center grew by word of mouth. These days it’s one of the biggest Chinese medicine practices in the country.  We added services because our patients asked for them so these days we have 10 acupuncturists/herbalists, a naturopath, a massage therapist, a nutritionist, a yoga teacher, a social worker and Pilates teacher. The whole team works together to provide our patients with comprehensive complementary medical care.

Question: How did you find the time to run a medical center and write books too? 

Answer: Frankly, I have a wonderful team so at this point, I’m not running everything. Everyone at YinOva cares deeply about our mission to provide people with great health care. Giving people access to information about their health is part of that mission. So writing books, along with our blog and the work we do on social media, are all ways we connect with people. To be honest it’s fun and it doesn’t feel like work. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

YinOva founder Jill Blakeway is a licensed and board certified acupuncturist, clinical herbalist, and both a highly skilled and an empathic and intuitive practitioner. She is also an author and speaker. She specializes in the care of women and children, and in particular in using Chinese medicine to enhance fertility and fertility treatments. Her work helping women achieve a healthy pregnancy inspired the New York Times to call her one of the city’s top acupuncturists and a “fertility goddess.”

Follow Jill on Facebook and Twitter

Parent Tips: Falling Asleep in Your Toddler's Bed

At one and a half, we moved Sydney to a big girls’ bed because she’d started climbing out of her crib. The first time she did it, we hoped it was a fluke. The next time, we heard a THUMP and a WAIL, and we decided it was time to make the change. We started off with a mattress on the floor so if she rolled out, she wouldn’t have far to fall. She rolled out often for the first six months or so, but then settled in enough that we were comfortable putting the bed frame back in her room.

The issue with the new bed was that she wouldn’t stay in it unless one of us fell asleep with her. We tried many ways to get her to fall asleep on her own, but nothing worked (especially since we were really big wimps with our first!). And Sydney is a very strong-willed child. So, sometimes I’d bring my book in and enjoy some quiet reading time while she drifted off. But other times, I grumbled about taking an hour to lay in bed with her when I had so many other things to do. 

The worst part was that if she woke up in the night, she couldn’t get herself back to sleep without one of us sleeping next to her either. 

With Sabrina on the way, it was even more critical to get Sydney out of the habit. A friend suggested I try the “moving the chair" routine. I was very, very skeptical. Here are the steps:

Step 1 - Instead of lying in their bed, you start out by sitting in a chair next to their bed.   When Sydney asked about the chair, I told her that I knew she could fall asleep on her own and that I was going to prove it to her.

Step 2 – After 2-3 nights, you move the chair a little closer to the door and away from the bed. 

Step 3 – Keep moving the chair a little bit farther away until you’re literally in the doorway.

Step 4 – Move the chair outside the door into the hall.  This was Day 8 of our experiment, and Sydney was not happy about the fact she couldn’t see me anymore.  She called out for me and I popped my head back in and said, “I’m right outside the door in the chair, reading my book.” 

Step 5 – Remove the chair entirely. I reminded her that she could officially fall asleep all by herself. She knew it was true and didn’t fight it at all!  We implemented the “I’ll come back to check on you” language.  Eventually, I put the chair back into her room and for a couple more days, I hung out in the kitchen where she could hear me making noises putting the dishes away, etc.  I’d poke my head back in every 10 minutes or so. 

That was it.  I really couldn’t believe it worked. I’d been lying in bed with her to get her to sleep for nearly a year and it only took 10 days to break the habit. The best part was she could get back to sleep on her own in the night as well. Out of habit, I went to lie down on her bed one night after she woke up and she said, "Mommy, I don't need you here. Go back to your bed!"

Sometimes, daughters really do know best!

Parent Tips: Family Rules

When Luke was born, it seemed like we couldn’t leave the room for one minute without a fight breaking out between Sydney (four at the time) and Sabrina (two at the time). Usually it was just yelling. Sometimes it got physical. When Sydney through a stapler at Sabrina's head when I'd left the room to answer the phone, we knew it was time for some more drastic measures.

One of them was to initiate our Family Rules. 

The first thing I did was purchase a canvas (I picked one from Red Envelope) with our family name at the top and the rules we aspire to live by.  This canvas print is now hanging in our kitchen.

Any time our kids break one of the rules, we remind them, “What do our family rules say about xxx?” Then a logical consequence follows. No anger or yelling. Just a reminder of the rules we live by in this household and that every member of our family needs to follow them. 

Even Mom and Dad!

However, I got a kick out of this dysfunctional version too:

Infertility Authors & Experts Interview Series: Marc Sedaka, Author of What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting

                                      Website: http://whathecanexpect.com/

 

Q&A with Marc Sedaka

Question: What inspired you to write What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting?

Answer: Plain and simple, it was the book I wish I had read when my wife and I were suffering with infertility (for 7 years).  As I’m sure you know, there are plenty of books geared towards women, but none at the time were geared towards men.  And since we represent 50% of married sufferers, I thought it was high time someone did something about that.  It was also a way to impart my wisdom and, quite frankly, let other husbands learn from my mistakes.

Question: Was writing the book different in any way from your experiences writing for TV and film?

Answer: In many ways it was more fun and more rewarding.  Not only did I have a great deal of passion for the subject, but I knew that, in the end, I would be helping people overcome a major life crisis.  Also, even though it was a “serious” book, I still tried to infuse as much of my comedy background as possible.  My wife likes to describe it as the written equivalent of taking a guy to a bar and telling him everything he needs to know (and probably never wanted to know) about infertility.

Question: What was the toughest part of your infertility journey?

Answer: Without question, seeing my wife lose her sense of self.  With every failure it was as if a part of her died, and that was very difficult to take.  

Question: What is your favorite advice to give to men dealing with the craziness of trying to get pregnant?

Answer: Men should know that they can play a role in all this even if it doesn’t always seem like they can.  Even something as simple as going to the appointments with your wife shows your support and your solidarity.  This isn’t HER problem and she should never be made to feel like it is.

Question: You wrote a children’s book with your dad. How did that come about and what was that experience like?

Answer: The project actually started out as a children’s album when my girls were about two years old.  My father (Neil Sedaka) decided he wanted to write children’s lyrics for some of his early hits and I agreed to collaborate.  Shortly thereafter, a publisher approached us about turning some of the lyrics into books, and from that, Dinosaur Pet (based on my father’s song “Calendar Girl”) was born.  The whole project has really been a joy.  My kids sang background vocals on the original album and we still go to signings and reading whenever we can.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marc Sedaka has written scripts for Disney, New Line, Fox, Paramount, and Warner Bros. His most notable feature credit is the romantic comedy “Overnight Delivery”, which stars Reese Witherspoon and Paul Rudd. On the TV front, he has written for such shows as NBC’s “Inside Schwartz” and CBS’s “King Of Queens.” He is also an award-winning New York Times best-selling author of children’s and self-help books. When not writing, Marc teaches screenwriting at UCLA, Columbia College, and Laureate University. Learn more about Marc at whathecanexpect.com.

Lessons Learned: Toddler Broken Bones

I want to share an important lesson we learned with our daughter, Sabrina, with the hope that other parents can learn from all of our mistakes on this one.

When Sabrina was just shy of two years old, she came home from Grandma's ranch with a very fat middle finger. Nobody saw what happened, but the suspicion is she dropped a very heavy lid from Grandma's outdoor storage bin on it. Her finger didn't look any better by Monday, so I called our pediatrician's office. The nurse suggested watching it for a few days, but if the swelling didn't go down by the end of the week, to make an appointment with the local pediatric orthopedic office. Still twice as large as her other fingers, we made an appointment that Friday.

The first doctor we saw immediately took an x-ray and showed us the small break in Sabrina's finger. She suspected that our active two-year-old would not be very happy with a splint on her finger and recommended wrapping it in some pretty pink tape to the next finger over, limiting the use of her hand as much as we could and coming back to check it in a week.

We tried to keep it wrapped as much as we could, but Sabrina unwrapped it often. When we returned to the office a week later, it looked exactly the same as it had when we left. This time we had a new doctor - a specialist in hands. He put a splint on it and wrapped it, said she needed to use her hand as little as possible, and come back in another week.

It was very hard to keep the splint on Sabrina's finger. I will admit it was probably off more than it was on. The next week it was still as fat as a cocktail hot dog. The doctor took another x-ray and it showed the same break that wasn't healed. We were starting to get worried at this point. Was there something wrong with her body that she couldn't heal a broken bone? Was there an infection in the bone? He recommended we schedule a MRI to make sure there wasn't a more serious issue at hand (pun intended).

A MRI for a two-year-old is an ordeal because they have to be under sedation. I wish I had gotten a second opinion, but we were already seeing the pediatric orthopedic specialist and the doctor we were dealing with was their hand specialist! There's a reason for the phrase hindsight is 20-20. So we had an MRI (an ordeal all on its own) and were scheduled to go back to the orthopedic office the next day. Our hand specialist was at a Hand Conference, so we met with the office's most senior doctor. And this is where we learned our biggest lesson.

The senior doctor said, "Everything looks fine with her finger except that there is still swelling and a break there. I understand why Dr. So-and-so ordered the MRI, but what I've learned in 35 years of cases is that with toddler broken fingers and toes, you have to cast them. Otherwise, they're just aggravating those broken bones over and over in their everyday play." So we were essentially preventing the bone from healing because it wasn't completely protected. Needless to say, I wish we'd had this doctor first.

They put on a cast that morning. Sabrina handled it well - actually seemed to like it a little - and when it finally came off a few weeks later, the finger was looking 60% better (still swollen but the break had healed). It wasn't until a month or two later that it finally looked like a normal middle finger.

Lesson Learned Recap - Cast any broken finger or toe in a child under three years old. Wrapping and splints aren't likely to cut it! It took us five appointments, an MRI and $2,000+ to learn this very simple lesson.