Do You Have a Sensitive Child?

Sensitive? Emotional? Hard to Calm? Our oldest daughter, Sydney, seems to be "wired" this way. Here are some examples of her super-sensitivity:

1. From the day she was born, she cried whenever she saw or heard anyone else crying.
2. You know how when most kids cry, they release some kind of chemical that makes them settle down and sleepy (why "Cry It Out" works so well)? Sydney is one of the 5% of kids who have the opposite reaction to crying. She gets more, and more, and more riled up until she nearly throws up. Needless to say, Cry It Out did not work for her, while it was perfect for her younger sister and brother.
3. When she was eight months old, I bought her the cute book, Goodnight Gorilla. She started sobbing as soon as the zookeeper's wife took the animals back to the zoo. After that, she'd shook and cried if she even saw the cover. We hid the book on the bottom of a drawer. Six months later, she spotted it on the shelves at a bookstore. She grabbed every one off the shelf and threw them on the floor. There were several other children's books over the years that followed that made her too sad to look at.
4. She was two the first time she heard the song, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Giant teardrops ran down her cheeks.
5. When her SIBLINGS get a shot at the doctor's office, Sydney cries longer and harder than they do. When SHE gets a shot, she's still crying an hour later.
6. She came home from Kindergarten the other day and said she'd just seen the saddest movie ever. Charlotte's Web. I asked her why, and she exclaimed, "Everything in it is sad! They take the pig away from his family and he's lonely. They want to kill it. And worst of all, Charlotte dies in the end!" She was still thinking about it before bed that night, so it took her two hours to fall asleep.
7. She can go from saying it is the "Best Day Ever!" to exclaiming it is the "Worst Day Ever!" in less than 30 seconds.
8. When she was upset recently, she squeezed her neck so tight that there were finger marks on her skin the next day. If I hadn't been with her the whole weekend, I would have worried someone had tried to strangle her.
9. Her dad made the mistake of saying he would be in heaven someday. Sydney was up until 10pm that night crying, wanting to know how she was going to be able to find him in heaven. He had to come up with a solution (a special key to help her find him) before she would settle down and go to sleep.
10. It's not just her mind that's sensitive - her body appears to be super sensitive too. In the past six months, I can't recall a day without some kind of ailment - a headache, a stomach ache, her throat hurting, her tooth hurting, her ears hurting, her toe burning, etc., etc.

Sydney's life is like a roller-coaster ride. One minute she can be the happiest child on earth, the next she can spend an hour in tears over having to take a bath, or her sister being mean, or not wanting to run laps at school the next day. You never know what will set her off, but she finds a way to let something upset her at least once a day.

We've accepted that a "crisis" will happen daily, which I think is half the battle. Now we're just trying to find a way to help her out of sensitivity funk when she gets in it...

Kid Favorites: A Great Book Series for Toddlers in the Car

This is our favorite book series to have in the car for times when we're waiting and need entertainment. Sydney (5), Sabrina (3) and Luke (2) all love them. Sabrina has looked at the "Animals to Spot" version every day this year while we waited for Sydney's school pick-up, without ever tiring of it.  

While I was snagging this picture for the blog, I decided to buy four more. 1001 Things to Spot in the Sea, 1001 Things to Spot on Vacation and 1001 Things to Spot in Fairyland and 1001 Things to Spot on the Farm. I had to buy some of these of used, as they're not all still in print. 

Now if I could just figure out how to avoid them fighting over which one they want...

Kid Favorites: Swimming with Dolphins

A couple of years ago, Sydney’s favorite animals were dolphins and whales. I don’t remember how it got started, but like the other animal favorites before – goats, deer and rhinos – this fetish lasted a while. We enjoyed two months of Sydney playing exclusively with her dolphin and whale friends for tea parties, in the bath, to bring on adventures, to talk to, etc. I loved to listen to her talking to them. “Here’s your tea. Don’t worry, I have another fish for you!”

So when we booked our trip to the Big Island of Hawaii a couple summers ago, the first place Michelle called was DolphinQuest to reserve a spot for Sydney to swim with the dolphins. 

Sydney enjoyed everything but the dolphin splashing her in the face and the fact that, when it was over, she had not actually gotten to “swim” with the dolphins. When the class was over, she cried for 10 minutes, feeling very cheated. Even though we’d prepared her for how short it was going to be, and she'd watched the other classes every day for a week before it was her turn, she obviously expected something completely different than what she got, which was to pet the dolphin, feed him some fish and shake his fin.

Still, she said she'd do it again, so it's officially a "favorite" in my mind.

What are some of your kids' favorite adventures?

Parent Tips: Cleaning Up the Toys

When you have young kids, it's impossible to keep the house clean all day long. Here are the strategies we've adopted to keep our sanity and avoid breaking our ankles on stray toys:

1. When our kids are ready to move on to "the next thing," they need to clean up the activity they've just finished first. As I type this, our 3yo has every art item out on her office table - markers, paper, hole punch, scissors, tape, glue, old business cards, stamps, stamp pads, gift boxes and a bucket (not sure what the bucket is for?). When she's ready for Legos or puzzles or to jump outside on the trampoline, everything needs to go back in its place first. Using the Love and Logic enforceable statements, we say, "You can [go outside] as soon as you've cleaned up the [art supplies that are out on the table]."
2. Clean up time is at 5pm every day. We sing, "It's time to put the toys away, toys away, toys away. It's time to put the toys away. Where are all my helpers?" (a song we learned at Sydney's first preschool). Everyone helps get the house in order and then we head to the kitchen to make dinner. If the kids complain that they don't want to clean up, that's fine! I reply, "I only charge $1 to clean up the mess for you." Every once in a while I actually get a taker, but usually that spurs them into action.
3. Once all the kids are in bed, I go back through the house and put away anything else that's been left out (sippy cups, books, etc.) so that we end and start the day with a relatively clean house. Unless I'm totally out of energy. Then I just close my eyes, imagine what it would look like clean, and head to bed.

What tricks do you have to keep your house tidy?

Explaining Memorial Day To My Children

Kids are insatiably curious. Mine easily ask fifty questions a day and I’m sure Memorial Day will be no exception. So trying to be prepared for once, I started thinking about what to say to my five-year-old daughter when she asks what the holiday is all about. 

What will I tell her? Most people celebrate the holiday to kick off summer, with backyard barbecues or a day at the beach. How many pause to think about what it means? To remember all of the men and women who have served and died for our country.

But ultimately, I started to think on a deeper level (I do that on rare occasions), about honoring the people who have given their lives for justice and freedom. Is there a connection between living souls and those of the dead? If we thank them on this day, do they know it? Do they feel it somehow, this rush of emotions from millions of people? 

So my answer to my children, when they ask, will be that we celebrate the day because we want to pay tribute to the people who sacrificed their lives for a better world. And I hope that their souls, wherever they are, can feel our gratitude.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRIOTISM

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE

THANK YOU FOR YOUR STRENGTH

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE

Kidcations

Time to plan summer vacation. (Yes, I know, many of you planned months and months ago and gobbled up all the best condos. You are probably smiling with glee, just thinking about your perfect 3BR right on the ocean. We procrastinators despise each and every one of you.)

Here are the reasons I do not consider traveling with young kids a vacation:

1. My idea of a vacation is to relax in a hammock on a beach reading a book. Try doing that with a 5, 3 and 1-year-old and see how many pages you can read before (a) there are children yelling or pulling each other's hair, (b) someone crawls up on your lap and puts their big head in the way of your book, or (c) your toddler is eating sand or choking on a seashell. I think my record is two and a half pages uninterrupted.
2. I forgot two important words in #1 above. It should have read: "My idea of a vacation is to relax in a hammock on a beach reading a book IN SILENCE." And it's impossible to have silence unless all three kids are asleep, which only happens in tiny chunks of time in the middle of the night...if I'm lucky.
3. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Another ideal. Another benefit you give up with three children under six.
4. Massages? Only if other tiny feet stepping on you or elbows and knees crawling across your stomach counts. At least I don't have to pay outrageous spa fees for those.
5. Easy travels. No additional information needed for those of you who've been on a plane with young children. 

Yes, I know. There are wonderful moments to be shared and fun to be had on adventures with your kids. Yada, yada, yada. I am not arguing the merits of a family trip. I'm only pointing out that it is not, in fact, a vacation, and I refuse to call it one.

So, until my husband (who travels and gets a lot of time away from the kids) decides he actually wants to go on a trip just the two of us, I will have to settle for the summer kidcations and beg for an hour a day break where I can disappear and nobody can find me.

Picky Eaters: Born, Not Made?

Granted, a lot of the food Sabrina ate with her hands as a baby went down her shirt, in her seat or onto the floor. But we were still amazed how much made it into her mouth and stomach!

She loved everything we let her try – especially if it was something she could eat with her hands instead of being fed with a spoon. Cheese, yogurt, pasta, scrambled eggs, chicken, turkey, hame, bread, beans, rice. You name it, she liked it.  And at three years old, she still does.

As opposed to our firstborn, Sydney, who would bring something new up to her mouth, tease us into thinking she'd eat it, and then throw it across the room. And at five, still eats about twenty things in total and refuses to try anything new.

Apparently food neophobia (the avoidance of new foods) is a common thing for young kids, so she's not alone. 

Chris swears it was our parenting. That we gave Sabrina more things to try. But that is not true. We fed them the exact same way. Sydney tasted it and spit it out and refused to ever try it again. Sabrina tasted it, usually loved it, and continues to try everything. Luke is somewhere in the middle.

So - there's my three-person research experiment to prove that picky eaters are born, not made. I'm officially letting myself off the hook in the blame department. 

What can you do if you have a picky eater? Research in laboratory and real-world settings has shown that neophobia can be reduced through exposure-based interventions. New foods can become familiar, and disliked foods become liked, with repeated presentation. At a recent class with Cheer Up Buttercups, their nutritionist specialist recommended that everyone at the table gets a portion of dinner on their plate. They don't have to eat it, but at least they're exposed to it.

Do you have a picky eater? If so, let us know if you've found any tricks to get your kids to try new foods!

Parent Tips: Finding The Bright Spot in Every Age

Sabrina is three. Sabrina is three. Sabrina is three. That was not a typo. It’s the sentence I repeat to myself most days when she’s doing something “very three.” Like fussing about the fact that her smoothie is too small (even when it's larger than her head), or making Luke cry by taking the toy in his hand (again), or throwing a temper tantrum over something crazy like wanting to open a child-proof bottle all by herself. 

Here is one of the biggest lessons I've learned with three children five and under. There are pros and cons at every age.

When they're babies, the crying and their neediness is exhausting and often pushed me over the edge. I've handed off all three of my babies to their dad at times and exclaimed, "Help! I can't take it anymore!" (That's the G version.) Those were the times I appreciated single moms or dads the most - just the thought of having nobody there to save my sanity makes me shudder.

But once I had a toddler in the house too, I realized all the benefits of babydom. They can't throw a tantrum. They can't throw anything at you (at least not with any accuracy). They can't fight with their siblings. They can't tell you they hate you. They're just these beautiful, loving creatures who crave attention and companionship and nourishment...and sometimes cry a lot.

Toddlers gain their independence and can play on their own and can bring you such joy. But then you also have to deal with having to carry them kicking and screaming out of a store, while they're trying to tear all of your hair out, because they wanted to buy a $50 mermaid that you politely informed them they couldn't afford with their weekly allowance.

I don't know what having a teenager is like yet, but I can guarantee you it will be more of the same. The good with the bad. Just like human nature.

Dad Adventures: The Airport

Most of us have a pull toward the sky, like some transcendental connection of what might be or what is. Infants’ tiny heads will turn, tracing a contrail or a jet in their sight. Toddlers point and grunt or say something that vaguely sounds like the word "plane." Children will scream out, “I SEE A PLANE,” point it out, and then ask you all kinds of questions. What kind of plane is that? Where is it going? Where did it come from? Is that the same plane we were on?  

Even long after they stop asking and this world in the sky seems more normal, whatever “normal” really is, children and some adults, me included, will keep looking. I’ve watched my five-year-old tracing a plane across the vast sky until it disappears into the horizon. Afterward she looked at me, recognition of the coolness of the moment passed between us, and we didn’t need to say a word.  

I am always search for eye opening adventures for my kids. The first adventure I ever went on as a father was to the airport. In truth, I started this tradition because I was looking for a way to get my wife that ONE morning a week to sleep in - without torturing myself.  But it’s turned into something much better.  (By the way, as a Dad you get tons of points for giving you wife breaks, be it sleeping in or just a nice, quiet afternoon. Hint, Hint.)

The first time I ever took Sydney to the airport, she was too young to even walk, but even from the car she was in awe. We spent nearly three hours at the airport those first couple of times.  This meant two diaper changes, but it was still worth it. We live in Austin, so although there is not a constant barrage of loud takeoffs and landings, there are planes frequent enough to entertain us. If you have a fussy kid like we do, the takeoffs and landings are ‘big’ enough events to completely distract them. And once they are distracted, they are happy each time you go. 

I’ll never forget the first time I went with each of my children. The first plane took off, they looked and me, and then said “more!”

Here’s the routine: 

1.     Find a place near your airport to watch planes. 

In Austin, there is a family viewing area literally beside the 17 Left 35 Right Runway (see more on runway lingo at the end of this post).  Drive past the airport on 71 and take the first right after the Airport exit, onto Golfcourse Road. 

Austin used to be an air force base, so this area was leftover from those days. But I’d imagine most airports have some place to watch the planes take off and land, even if it’s just an airport hotel parking lot.  Be creative.  It’s seeing the planes you’re after. 

2.     Pack up or pick up food and drinks.

Think picnic, Daddy style. Messy is okay.  Ideally, outside of the car.  But we do have to clean my car twice as much as my wife’s, so it’s not always outside the car.  ;-)  What my kids love the most is being able to get out and wander around. The planes become the event, but the time in between allows for precious bonding.  Ask them questions. How do you think planes fly? Where is that one going? Where would you fly if you could?

3.     Tune into the ATC at http://www.liveatc.net

You can listen to the tower and the planes as they take off and land. I tune into this on the way to the airport and my kids turn there little faces to the sky.  They always find the first plane before I do.  I’ve found that even though they don’t understand everything they hear, this sets the ambiance. My daughter always gets excited when she hears them say “Big Heavy” over ATC, which means one of the big FedEx planes is coming in or taking off. They also have Droid and iPhone App available. 

4.     If you have someone coming to visit, you can also track their flight with http://flightaware.com/

You can actually type in their flight number and track in real time or near real time where it is.  So you’ll see it on the screen and then see it in the air as it approaches. 

I enjoy this because it’s a lot like watching baseball with your kids. It’s about what happens in between the pitches, not just what happens with each pitch.  

Enjoy! If you’re a mom, share this with you husband, your brother or your husband’s brother.  Uncles can do this stuff too.

Shoot me a comment if you have questions or suggestions on where to watch planes from your city.

RUNWAY LINGO:

Runways are numbered based on a compass.  A compass has 360 degrees.  360 is North.  Drop the 0.  36 is a runway facing due North. 18 would be due South. Planes always take off into the wind. So they would choose 36 or 18 based on the current wind. 

But there is one more thing. If there are parallel runways then they are named based on right left and if there are three center. Right, left, and center are based on the direction the plane is facing. So 36 Right is the same runway as 18 Left, it’s just called something different to tell the Aircraft which direction they will takeoff or land in.

In Austin, there are runways 35 and 17. The number tells you the direction. In Austin, where there are two parallel runways, 35 Right means you’re facing almost North and it’s the runway on the right. 

More here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runway